She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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