Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
