Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
