Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
