Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
