i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
