btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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