My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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