I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
