i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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