im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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