I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
