what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
