So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
