he puts the penis in happiness.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
