areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
