Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
