at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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