I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
