Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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