do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
