Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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