Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
