Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
