people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
why is half of my head shaved?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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