i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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