im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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