At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
