I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
