so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My feet surprised me
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