Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
