I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
