I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
