apparently the secret to your success is patron
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
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