We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
