he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
