my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
