I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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