Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
