I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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