I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
