would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
