i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
