I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
