Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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