apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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