i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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