Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
