I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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