he shaved USA in his pubs
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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