Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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