weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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