The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
