i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
