Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
