My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
