worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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